“Getting married is not the great object of life.”

Lavinia Goodell, May 1860

In the sixth and final chapter of her series (posts about the earlier chapters may be found here: part one, part two, part three, part four, and part five) titled “Chapters to Young Men, on How to Win a Wife,” Lavinia Goodell offered one final piece of advice: men should not make finding a wife their primary life’s ambition.

After saying that she hoped gentlemen were taking the advice offered in her previous columns, Lavinia wrote:

I have an additional word of exhortation. . . .  [Y]ou mustn’t be all these good things merely for the sake of “winning a wife,” but for their own sake. Getting married is not the great object of life. . . . Everything is viewed through the lens of “matrimony.” A certain amount of effort and money is devoted to the business of wife-getting. . . . Would such a girl make a good wife? If not, it is no use wasting any time and money on her! The idea that people may associate for the purpose of enjoying each other’s society, as friends, for mutual improvement and happiness is unknown. . . . They experiment very carefully and economically, till they make a selection, and then draw their chosen one from the group and don’t care a whistle for everybody else in the world. . . . Now I hope you don’t entertain any such narrow views of life!

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“Now, young man, are you a gentleman?”

Lavinia Goodell, May 12, 1860

In the fifth part of her series offering young men advice on how to win a wife  (read about the first, second, third, and fourth chapters in the series here), twenty-one year old Lavinia Goodell stressed the importance of good manners. She began her piece:

She noted that the word “gentleman:”

Has come to mean one of a select caste, a man of property, a man with dependents, a man of idleness or a fop — at best, one who regards only the mere outside forms, conventionalities, of life. As such it is justly contemptible. But this is a perversion. I wish I knew all about the origin of the word! … [E]vidently, … the word is intended to indicate “a man of gentleness” — a gentle man. Alas! How few gentlemen there are!

 

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“In this era of Progress, young ladies have got their eyes open.”

Lavinia Goodell, April 1860

In the spring of 1860, Lavinia Goodell wrote a six-part series titled “Chapters to Young Men, on How to Win a Wife,” which was published in her father’s anti-slavery newspaper, the Principia. (Read about the first two installments here and here.)

Lavinia’s offerings appeared in the “Family Miscellany” section at the end of the weekly paper. They provided some levity in a publication whose masthead declared itself devoted to “First Principles in Religion, Morals, Government, and the Economy of life.”  The April 28, 1860 issue in which the third of  Lavinia’s “Chapters to Young Men” appeared, contained a letter from Gerrit Smith’s daughter agreeing with William Goodell’s sentiment that, correctly interpreted, the United States Constitution was anti-slavery and if in fact parts of the Constitution were in favor of slavery, then those parts are “so wrong as to be altogether null and void.” Lavinia possibly felt that after reading six pages on such sobering topics, some humor was in order on pages seven and eight, and she was happy to provide it.

In part three of her series, Lavinia began by telling young men not to fall in love with every girl they meet and not to form judgments too hastily. “There are a great many girls whom you will like, with whom you will form very pleasant friendships, but only one to whom you can give your whole heart.”

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“Have a character! Mean something.”

Lavinia Goodell, April 21, 1860

In the second chapter of her series-  published the Principia – imparting advice on how young men could win a wife (read about the first chapter here), twenty year old Lavinia Goodell continued her theme that if a young man expected to attract a prospective spouse of high character, he would need to convince the young woman that he was worthy of her. She began:

Lavinia continued, “Do you dream of a gentle, pure, thoughtful maiden, she dreams of a strong, noble, whole-souled man. Be a man, then, if you would win a woman. Have some manliness, and act it out.”

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“A man has got to be something, if he is going to win something.”

Lavinia Goodell, April 1860

From 1859 until early 1865, Lavinia Goodell assisted her father in editing and publishing the Principia, an anti-slavery newspaper, from its offices in lower Manhattan. She also wrote dozens of pieces for the paper. None carried a full byline. Many were simply signed “L.” In the spring of 1860, twenty year old Lavinia wrote a series of articles titled “Chapters to Young Men, on How to Win a Wife” in which she offered some good natured but sly commentary advice on the qualities women were likely to be drawn to.

She began:

She then admonished gentlemen that if they wished to win the hearts of such perfect creatures, they had better make sure they were worthy.

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“Nobody is fitted for a low place, and everybody is taught to look for a high one.”

Lavinia Goodell, January 1862

In January of 1862, twenty-two year old Lavinia Goodell wrote an article for her father’s anti-slavery newspaper the Principia titled Errors in Education.

The proposition of the piece was that all young people were encouraged to strive to achieve high office or positions of honor when in fact most people would be better served by filling humbler stations in life. Her article began:

Lavinia quoted Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, one of her favorite poets, in the piece. While she said, “There is a fine ring to the familiar quatrain of Mr. Longfellow, it is nothing more than a musical cheat. The lives of great men remind us that they have made their own memory sublime but they do not assure us at all that we can leave footprints like theirs behind us.”

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